if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
