its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
