You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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