when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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