Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
