i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
