Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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