can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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