I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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