I skipped work to stalk him.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
