Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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