and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I need to stop coming to work sober
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
