in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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