I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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