planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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