when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
