i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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