Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
