I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
