Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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