So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
