The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
