I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
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you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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