my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
