I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
