he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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