So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
