you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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