No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This baby is an asshole
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
