Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
