maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
