Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
