ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize