just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
