Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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