i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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