i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
