I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
