I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
