so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
