He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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