I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
