the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
