thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
