Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
