how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
