Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
