Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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