I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
