Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
