'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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