and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
