i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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