My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
