he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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