matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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