I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
