2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am one with the molecules
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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