Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
