Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
