I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
