Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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