they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
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Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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