You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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