this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
