i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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