mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
