Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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