I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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