I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
